June 27, 2008

From: Gary West
Sent: Saturday, June 28, 2008 8:36 AM
Subject: June 27

I have watched today as the storms rolled into Mobile, I was in the gulf
and the water was rough but it was sunny.
It was enjoyable to be on the water. Allen and Justin loved the
water and I would have loved for them to be with me today.
They would have enjoyed running in three foot seas at 60 mph. That
would have suited them just fine.
I thought about the ski trip, the rodeo, the gulf, the camp, the
subdivision and all the things that remind me of the "boys".
I know it has been 4 weeks, but the essence of the boys is on every
hand and in everything that I love. If I separate from everything that
reminds me of them then I will be a hermit.
I told Leslie and Jessica that every restaurant, every road, every
weather condition, every season, every rod, every reel, every gun, every
little boy, every newspaper, every hunting or fishing magazine, every
sun rise and every sunset-they remind me of Allen and Justin.
I am having a good day because I have determined that had I left-I
would want everyone to move on. Honor me in living, don't mope around,
don't morn like they don't know where I am. Get their head up and get
after it. Live life wide open. No seat belt required, grip it and rip
it. Don't stay in the mud, don't wallow. Don't waste a day. Love God,
love what memories we had but stop whipping ourselves with good
memories. That is not what good memories are for.
Relish them, repeat them, remember them, but don't drown in them.
I believe that Allen and Justin loved me. I know that in time we
would have created memories that would eclipse all that I had up to this
point.
I am comforted by that thought and I know that I have experienced a
life change.
As Jerry Lawson said the "season" has changed in our lives. We now
enter a different time. A time of extended morning and a time of
reinvention and reshifting.
I do not see this as easy. I know that I am being transformed by
this process. I am no less blessed today than a month ago at this time.
That is a fact, no matter what it looks like the Lord is in charge and
He needs me to remember that.
I hope that God (the trinity) and the "boys" are having a ball.
I was told about an experience that a guy working for me had. He
said that he had a dream or out of body experience. He said that he was
taken to heaven to see the heavenly choir. He told me that some harp
players pushed the strings while others pulled the strings.
I thought to myself that Allen was probably in another room with
his big arms up, listening to double lead guitars, swaying in the flow
of the supernatural. I don't know what heaven is like. I have very
little idea actually. I don't know if they are there now, or resting
until he comes.
I do know what I would make heaven like for those "boys".
I knew them well. I think about what the word tells us about how much
more our heavenly father would do good toward his children (in
comparison to a earthly father).
I would be embarrassed by God to even compare what I would make
heaven like vs. what he is capable of. That is ok with me because if I
was designing and constructing heaven I would make it just right for the
personalities that Allen and Justin have.
They were unique among men and so different and similar to each
other at the same time.
I wish I could see what they are doing, taste the life that they
are living now. They are back home. Back where they can be one with the
maker of all. Back where the power is always on and the volume is
always up.
Where the stars and the universe display like fireworks every
night. Where the music is fast and slow at the same time. Where the
praise of God is a common language. Where the God of the universe is
smiling and enjoying them in my stead. I trust Him. I need Him to help
me hurdle this pain, the pain of miss, the pain of a hollow spot.
I love Him completely, no limit now, no worries about others
thoughts.
I listen to music that Allen would have reached over and turned up.
I glance where he would have been seated and then I turn it up for him.
Worshipping as I go, just like we would do when he was here.
Gary