June 15, 2008

From: Gary West
Sent: Sunday, June 15, 2008 7:08 PM
Subject: Today salute

For all the dreams, promises of hunts, game sought, fish caught.
Discussions of plans, politics, instruction, laughter, jokes and smiles.
For all the truck and windshield time. For the sermons and teaching. For
the vacations to come, the discoveries to jointly make.
For the pain and excitement of childbirth. The labor and sweat to make
men.
For the conversations of God and women, and the mysteries of each.
For all the threads of thousands of colors, to create the millions of
memories that were yet to come.
For that I weep, for that I yearn.
For now I am spun and my line is spooled out leaving a empty reel, a
barren chamber.
I am without and the rules tie me to trust, to faith, to believing what
I cannot see.
I cannot go to where they are to check. I can't yell across the
gulf of death, nor can I reverse the tide of time.
I am trapped in the world of time and they are now timeless.
I know that this is but a test, this whole life is but a trial, a
painful execution of decision after decision.
Each decision opens a new set of options, a new set of obstacles
and opportunities.
I had a zeal to attack, now I look at the field and ask "what for".

I know that I will sharpen my mind but now it is like a blunt instrument
to me. It is not shaped or fit for use. It is a liability. It tries to
reason this episode to understanding. Understanding now has become a
line of infinity with no end. My mind tires and lays down like a dog on
the trail. Then it awakes and pursues again.
I cannot pull the pin, I cannot stop the dive, I cannot stop the
slide, I cannot stop the pain. I cannot stop the memories.
Then I look at Leslie and wonder who I am to complain.
She is strong, she has faith, she has trust. She cries, she cleans
up, she shines.
She preaches my sermons and teachings back to me.
Softly and firmly she reminds me that God is in control.
GAW