June 25, 2008

From: Gary West
Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 11:37 AM
Subject: Heart vacant

My heart is broken...I have heard the words all my life.
Thought I understood, thought I had a grasp of what being heart broken
meant.
Now I see that phrase as limited. A glancing blow at describing a beast
that has reached in and left my heart vacant.
I love what I have left but my heart seems scrapped out.
I try to focus on what is left in an effort to fight this beast but my
vision is locked.
I shut my eyes and see the event over and over.
I thought I was tough. Is this Gods way of taking my structure away.
Showing me how little I am in His sight.
I am vacant, my life is what He desires. Is my thoughts on Him different
than reality. Does he have a purpose in every instant or occurrence.
Is the purpose in this episode to push me to the edge. To make me
freefall. Does He not care for me now more than when He called me.
Called me from the devils team, made me pick a side.
If I have been a good investment why would he cripple me so. Why would
He expose my heart for the dark vultures to circle and glare at.
Their thoughts of "where is the one you serve?"
It is as if a limb was severed and I continued to resist so another was
cut and cast away.
I lay a stump of a man, with my chest cracked. My heart
Exposed and "vacant"
G