June 22, 2008

From: Gary West
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2008 6:20 PM
Subject: Today June 22

Today I seek the edge of the new life I have here on earth.
I am swimming a black sea, full of monsters, sharks and demons. I
swim without bearing, without a lighthouse. I pause and tread water. I
listen to the waves splash and long to hear the splash of Allen's arms
beating along side me.
His were strong arms and he was such a good swimmer. He is safe on
the shore now. He has swam ahead.
The sea around me thinks it has me, it thinks that if it confuses
me long enough-I will slip below the surface. Embrace the blackness.
Swallow deep and inhale the sorrow. Drink the poison. Forsake the
mission. I will not lose the faith. I will not draw or write the end of
this episode.
I push myself to latch onto the spirit, the spirit that guides me
through the blackness. The one that protects my soft sides from the
attacks.
I seek to be one with God to finish this swim. To make the shore
where the Golden city is. To walk up to the gates and shout the name of
my God and the name of my only son.
If this is the sacrifice required, if this is the trail that I must
blaze. If this is the fight I was designed for. Then I pity the enemy
when my Lord brings me to the shore.
In Him do I now exist. In Him do I now trust completely. Life here
is but a ride that I must complete. I hope the enemy has fear in his eye
for me. I hope he understands that every bite, claw and cut is making me
stronger.
I am no longer, only my Lord remains. I spit in his eye by the
power of a risen Lord that has fought every battle, faced every
temptation.
What can he do to me now? What threat does he offer that is more
than this. I must sharpen my steel. I must pay my dues. I must submit my
will. I must tame my wild heart. I must tie myself to the yoke of the
Christ.
Then I must finish this swim. In this blackness I must push toward
the bank. I must leave" myself" in this black sea and crawl up the bank
using only His power. Using only His strength. I must leave the old Gary
behind, dreams, ambitions, drive, worries, they must all slip away below
the blackness and let me swim strong and light.
The old dreams are heavy, they weigh like heavy lead on me. They
pull me under. They make me easy prey to the shadows that slice this
black sea around me.
I must shake them, never to forget but never to serve them again. I
have treasure walking the streets of gold. I have a reason to attack and
attack again and again. I have lived my hole life in search of peace and
hoping for the serenity of an old mans life.
Now I am made young again by the passion for the fight. I want to
see my Lord elevate Himself, show His power. Slice from the enemy His
very heart.
Gary