August 3, 2008

From: Gary West
Sent: Sunday, August 03, 2008 7:14 PM
Subject: Boy search

Can I run a search?

Will my boys show up?

Can I type in the names and the reason for this madness be displayed?

Will someone out there know what is going on with them?

Will I be able to get the article that will sooth my wrinkled heart?

Will I do a mapquest to where they are and start my journey?

Will I find the plan behind the removal?

Will it display on the screen so I can read with my eyes the words of
explanation?

Perhaps if I search for Gary’s short comings, the boys name will appear
as a by product.

What if I search for the perfect plan of God...will this tree be
explained?

Did I push too hard? Do I hold my ground too fiercely? Did I miss the
mark?
Did God punish my faults with surgery...amputation.

So now...the screen is empty of answers,

My life is floating but broken...
I wonder around the ship. It is desolate, the sails are shredded, the
fuel is empty, the rudder is broken, there is no wind, no waves, only
the heat of loss and the smell of death.

The doldrums of summer, the heat of depression. They are all around us.

We pretend for others but the reality is like carrying a disorder, a
disease, a plague. It cannot be fully shared without infecting others.

The event plays like a recording in vivid color, over and over. The
slightest remembrance starts the recording over.

Our mind is over shadowed by our emotions, our Spirit is tranquilized by
the deep pain.

So we are made powerless by the weakest element of our being.

Our raw emotions, they tear at our reasoning, breaking into the mind and
wearing us down.

They are most susceptible to the dark side.

They are where he takes a grip, they are where he shouts accusations and
suggestions.

The mind is unable to answer the bell to the fight, it has worn itself
down. Fatigue is its new nick name.

So it throws the keys to the Spirit, the Spirit is thin, It alone is
unable to flush out the doubt.

The Spirit must have help,

Then I pray, then He comes.

To the rescue, like a warrior He runs to me, He comforts me, He holds
me, He cradles me, He forgives me.

He is mine, He is here, always in time, always in strength.

He is my only answer, He is my only response, He is my only ally.

He floods in, He puts in order the disorder.

He cleans, He shines, He renews.

Lord,
Thank you for loving me "the unlovable" thank you for saving me "the
lowest of the low" and thank you for giving me Allen. Thank you for
bringing him home and thank you for helping me to see he and Justin
again.
I await the next level with you. My heart is for you, my life is for
you.
Make me strong "in you"
G