July 17, 2008

From: Gary West
Sent: Thursday, July 17, 2008 7:04 AM
Subject: Hearts desire

Could it be that God knows me,
Knows me better than I know myself,

Could it be that he is giving me the desires of my heart?,

His word says "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the
desires of your heart"

I used to tell Allen that a lot.

I told Him that it was a double edge sword.

If we truly delight ourselves in the Lord- He sometimes will change the
desires of our heart.

I would tell Allen when things didn't go as He planned. "Sell out to
God" he will make you happy.

I told Toby Morgan while we were hunting in BC that-if another Gary
existed, in another parallel universe. If that Gary had followed the
desires that I had before I submitted to God. He could not be as happy
or as content as I.

That my life was as good as it could be, I couldn't have followed my own
desires to the place that I found myself.

Now I am without and yet I still believe.

Does He know that the end of the story would have been so different,
(had they not died) that perhaps Allen and Justin wouldn't have made it.

He knows me so well, He knows that above all, I wanted them in Heaven.
No ifs, ands or buts. I wanted them to make it-period.

Dare I think it a compliment that He regards me enough to act in a
manner that ensures this?

That he holds my faith strong enough that I (along with the girls) can
stand the loss in this present life.

Stand it by faith, faith that is not like a water balloon, large but
dissolved at a small prick

But rather faith that is rock solid and rolls along even when battered.

I have found His Spirit in a more close manner than before. I don't want
to think that Allen and Justin are gone because they may have faltered
later.

Rather I like to think that they were found to have such hearts that God
needed them ahead of time. They did have good hearts.

The true measure of a man.

So my desires are fulfilled. They are safe on the shore. They have swam
the mote of death and we are still treading water.

But He is here, the breath of God is all over this event, this
aftermath. He is glorifying Himself in the middle of horror and
non-belief.
He is not letting the blood go uncontested. He is showing Himself
through the love and faith of His people.

Through the testimony of the new converts and the lives rededicated.

He has a plan, I wish He would share it, but it is above my pay grade.
Later
Gary